At Our Least Lovely

October 19, 2020

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“I’m not easy to live with, I know that it’s true.  You’re no picnic either, babe, that’s one of the things I loved about you.”  Don Henley (Not Enough Love in the World) “When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care, when I’m throwing punches in the air, when I’m broken down and I […]

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The Biggest Risk is the One That Someone Else is Taking

October 14, 2020

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There is an old joke in Christian circles which went something to the effect of, “What’s the worst sin?”  The answer is, “The one that someone else is doing?” As a former banker, I often think about things in terms of risk management.  You can’t run a bank and not take risk.  The point is […]

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Marriage Enrichment Opportunities

October 9, 2020

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One of the ministries I participate in with my church is the Marriage Enrichment Team.  2020 has presented unique challenges to that ministry as we have had to curtail any in-person events.  Like everyone else, we have had to figure out how to function in a virtual environment.  This month, we have two online events […]

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Fix You

October 2, 2020

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An individual client was telling me about a failed attempt to connect with his wife when she was in distress.  He asked her what she needed from him when she was upset and she told him, “You can’t fix me.”  I thought it was an interesting comment and it gave me pause. Often couples come […]

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The View From the Wasteland

September 21, 2020

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One of the things that often brings couples into therapy is the discover/disclosure of an affair by one of the partners.  There are many ways we can examine the impact of affairs.  I had considered alternate titles to this blog such as “Advantage: AP” (noting that the affair partner always has the advantage over your […]

Agape Love

August 15, 2020

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“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”  G. K. Chesterton   I remember when “Can’t Buy Me Love” by the Beatles was a hit.  I was just a kid at the time.  Though I liked the song, I didn’t know what a “cambami love” […]

Critical Mass

August 6, 2020

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One of the tricky points of conflict to handle is when one partner is distressed about the other’s weight (that is, when one is critical of the other’s mass).  It is even a thorny issue to write about.  I will try to do it justice in 1000 words or less. First, you can’t control your […]

Is He/She Worth It?

July 27, 2020

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Way back in 1983, Billy Joel released an album titled “An Innocent Man.”  The title track was a ballad in which the singer is committing to being a safe and healing person for a woman who has been badly wounded from past relationships.  Essentially, he recognizes that how she guards herself in the relationship is […]

Should Christians Go To Therapy?

July 24, 2020

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Pastor Bryan Stamper offered this short video addressing the question of whether Christians should go to therapy.  I thought it was worth sharing (and didn’t require additional comment from me) so here it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUyfl0eO3JQ&feature=youtu.be Blessings.

College of Marriage Online

July 20, 2020

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College of Marriage is now available online at  https://www.rbcommunity.org/event:5o9W3vqBIEYRbYt90GJrGu College of Marriage is a 15 week marriage enrichment curriculum written and presented by my colleague, Carolyn Klusmeier and myself.  The lecture portion of the classes is now available on video.  You can also download the Powerpoints and the exercises.  The classes were 90 minutes, but […]