A Shrinking Circle

June 3, 2021

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Among the tools developed by John & Julie Gottman to help couples managing conflict is “The Art of Compromise.”  The concept is that in every conflict we have some areas in which we are able to be flexible and some areas in which are inflexible.  Part of being able to compromise effectively is in identifying […]

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It’s Not Real and It’s Not Romantic

January 23, 2021

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This one is going to sound like a bit of a rant.  Oh well.  It is probably worthy of a rant. I recently finished a thoroughly wretched novel.  It was The Book of Two Ways by Jodi Picoult.  It is perhaps the lamest excuse for adultery since The Bridges of Madison County.  Small spoiler alert:  […]

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The Kindness Challenge, A Lenten Devotional

January 11, 2021

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If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Romans 12:18 It may seem a little early to be talking about Lent.  After all, we just celebrated Christmas and Epiphany.  Many Protestants still view Lent as a strictly Catholic observance, but I think, whatever your denomination (or lack […]

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Moving Past Disappointment

December 30, 2020

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Inigo: I must know. Westley: Get used to disappointment.  Igor: Could be worse.  It could be raining.  I wish there were some magic about the changing of the year, some reset button that gets pushed to return things to a previous normal.  The screen saver on our Firestick scrolls through pictures from two vacations from […]

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Shrinking Worlds

December 22, 2020

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I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.  Joe Walsh (Life’s Been Good) It’s then I remember the things I miss the most.  Walter Becker/Donald Fagan (Things I Miss the Most) I wish you quiet.  I wish you hope.  I wish you miles away from everything that scares you so.  Venice (Middle Age Lullaby) The […]

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Default Settings

December 14, 2020

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I was recently reading a Bosch novel.  If you are unfamiliar with them, the novels are a series by Michael Connelly featuring the exploits of LAPD detective Hieronymus “Harry” Bosch.  Bosch is the archetypal loner outsider who is always bucking the system, and (spoiler alert) always solves the case and saves his career (more or […]

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Dance Practice

December 7, 2020

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Last week I attended a Zoom meeting for a friend’s ministry.  For an icebreaker, my friend asked us what was one good thing that happened for us as a result of the pandemic.  This was not intended to minimize the impact of the pandemic, but to notice where we still experience blessings in our lives […]

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Mellowing With Age

November 30, 2020

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I have noticed that the older I get, the less there is to get mad about.  I’m not talking about the state of the country or the world, but the state of my relationships.  Things that might have gotten me bent out of shape 20, 30, or 40 years ago just don’t do it anymore.  […]

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Decision Making Revisited

November 23, 2020

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Of course, you don’t agree on everything.  If you did, one of you would be largely unnecessary.  The old cliché that two heads are better than one is certainly true.  At the same time, it is also an irritant.  The research has found (and I am not making it up), that 69% of the things […]

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Emotional Restitution

November 16, 2020

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Betrayals of trust and attachment injuries[1] in relationships come in many shapes and sizes.  Affairs are a common example of both, but there can be many other ways in which one partner feels that the trust has been breeched or that you were not there for me when I needed you.  Often when couples come […]

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