“You keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up inside.” Don Henley
“Resentment is like drinking rat poison yourself and waiting for the rat to die.” John Ortberg
“This one’s for the girls who think I’ve done wrong, could you really hold a grudge that long?” Todd Rundgren
A local radio station was having a bit this morning they were calling, “Axes & Exes.” The concept was that they would have an axe throwing setup, and in honor of Valentine’s Day, you could bring a picture of your hated ex and hurl axes at him or her. I was out of town on Valentine’s Day so I got to hear them talk about the event in advance, but did not hear how it went.
So here is my rather singular point on this. Carrying a grudge is not helpful to you. A lack of forgiveness is not hurting your ex, but it allows that person to continue hurting you long after they are no longer in your life. Forgiveness does not mean you are interested in restoring the relationship, it means letting go of the resentment. You probably won’t have the benefit of that person being repentant for how you were treated. It will be to your own benefit if you can let it go.
If you are traumatized by what your ex put you through, you might want to get some therapy to work through that. It will probably be more helpful to you than throwing axes at their pictures.
In the process of finding a mate, we break a few hearts and get out hearts broken a few times. At this point in my life, it is comforting to feel that I do not have hard feelings toward any of my exes. Now, I have been married for 36 years so I have had a lot of time to move past it. There are certainly exes that I am glad not to be married to. And there are exes who are probably fortunate to not have been married to the immature version of me they dated. But there really aren’t any that I would wish ill.
If the relationship was really that bad, rejoice that they are an ex and not a current significant other. There was probably something to be learned from the experience that will help you next time. Happy much belated Valentine’s Day.
scottwoodtherapy 
Posted on March 4, 2020
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