Browsing All Posts filed under »Affairs«

The View From the Wasteland

September 21, 2020


One of the things that often brings couples into therapy is the discover/disclosure of an affair by one of the partners.  There are many ways we can examine the impact of affairs.  I had considered alternate titles to this blog such as “Advantage: AP” (noting that the affair partner always has the advantage over your […]

Reasons People Cheat

November 1, 2019


This was an interesting article from Psychology Today on the reasons people cheat on a romantic partner.   The reasons are not entirely consistent with what I see in therapy, but perhaps there are differences in the population we are sampling.  For example, people who have “fallen out of love with their partner” may not […]

Whose Relationship Violations are Worse?

July 17, 2019


How do you rate the following violations of love and trust in a relationship?  Number the following from 1-12 with 1 being the most egregious betrayal. ____  One night of sex with a stranger. ____  An emotional affair with a coworker. ____  A secret bank account. ____  Not showing up when your partner has a […]

Castle Panic

April 29, 2019


My family has a great fondness for board games.  In recent years, we have taken to playing more cooperative games.  In these games you either win or lose together rather than have one player win and the others lose.  One of those games is Castle Panic.  The game involves trying to defend your castle together […]

Ashley Madison Take 2

August 29, 2015


The purchase of the island of Manhattan.  The commonly understood history is that in 1626 Dutch colonists purchased the island of Manhattan from the Native Americans for trade goods valued at about 60 Dutch guilders.[1]  That amount would have purchased about 1 ½ pounds of silver at the time.  Though the natives’ understanding of the […]

Ashley Madison Hack Help (Take 1)

August 25, 2015


So your information got hacked from your Ashley Madison account, huh?  And now your life is in crisis.  My grad school advisor’s native language was Chinese.  He shared with me that the Chinese character for crisis contains the characters for danger and opportunity.  The danger seems obvious, so let’s see where there might be some […]


June 3, 2015


So your partner tries to control you, huh?  That seems a relatively common complaint.  I get it.  You’re an adult and you don’t want to feel like you are under someone’s thumb.  Since I hear this complaint more often from men than from women, for the sake of convenience, let me use gender specific pronouns. […]

Contaminating the Fantasy (Part 2 – The AP)

April 25, 2015


“You do realize, that if you actually dated her, saw her on a regular basis, lived with her, that she would find some fault with you, right? That she would find some things about you that drove her crazy.  That she’d make demands of you that you wouldn’t like.  That she’d get angry at you?”  […]

Powder Keg

December 4, 2014


With Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, and such, many married people have had the experience of being contacted by an old flame who “just wanted to see how you were doing.”  Or you may have been the one doing the contacting.  This usually results in FB messages, texts, and email exchanges.  Then your partner finds out about […]