Browsing All Posts filed under »Attachment«

Critical Mass

August 6, 2020

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One of the tricky points of conflict to handle is when one partner is distressed about the other’s weight (that is, when one is critical of the other’s mass).  It is even a thorny issue to write about.  I will try to do it justice in 1000 words or less. First, you can’t control your […]

Is He/She Worth It?

July 27, 2020

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Way back in 1983, Billy Joel released an album titled “An Innocent Man.”  The title track was a ballad in which the singer is committing to being a safe and healing person for a woman who has been badly wounded from past relationships.  Essentially, he recognizes that how she guards herself in the relationship is […]

Reassuring the More Vulnerable Partner

July 13, 2020

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We all go into close relationships with two basic questions: 1) Am I loveable? 2) Are you safe for me?  Humans, not being binary but somewhere on a continuum between extremes, are somewhere between a “yes” and a “no” on these questions.  If we took an internal family systems approach, we might say that there […]

Delighted In

May 25, 2020

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“He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zeph. 3:17 The majority of my clients are fellow Christians who sought out a Christian therapist because their faith is an important part of their lives.  Between my role as a therapist […]

Attachment Injuries Revisited

May 11, 2020

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My wife and I were recently listening to an audiobook that was a biography of Paul Simon.  Since I can’t help but see relationships from a therapist’s viewpoint, I couldn’t help but reflect on the ongoing rift in the relationship between Paul and Art Garfunkel.  Before I go down that path, let me define my […]

Danger and Opportunity

April 13, 2020

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Twenty four years ago, I did a brief stint working for a bank[1] in Northern California.  It was the only time I have ever lived outside of Southern California.  It was also the most oppressive corporate culture I have ever experienced.  I reported directly to the president of the bank who would tell you himself […]

Carol’s Heart

December 22, 2019

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First, for any close friends who are just now learning that the title of this post is literal and not metaphorical, I hope you will understand that we have been otherwise occupied.  Consequently, if you are not in the family or on the prayer chain, this may be news to you.  Please don’t take any […]

The Good Place – Part 4 – The Answer

December 17, 2019

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“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  Proverbs 27:17 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  John 13:34-35 “Who can say if I’ve been changed […]

The Good Place – Part 1 – Soulmates

November 27, 2019

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Spoiler Alert: I am going to talk about Season 4, Episode 9 of The Good Place which aired last week.  To give some context, I also need to discuss what has come before.  If you are one who does not want to know anything about a show before you see it and think you might […]

Handling Conflict (Part 2 – Co-regulation)

November 8, 2019

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This is the script from the second of three College of Marriage session on Handling Conflict.  The videos of the lecture portion on still being edited.  I will post the links once they are available. Welcome to The College of Marriage, Session 5.  This is the second of three sessions on handling conflict.  Today we […]