Browsing All Posts filed under »conflict«

Critical Mass

August 6, 2020


One of the tricky points of conflict to handle is when one partner is distressed about the other’s weight (that is, when one is critical of the other’s mass).  It is even a thorny issue to write about.  I will try to do it justice in 1000 words or less. First, you can’t control your […]

Is He/She Worth It?

July 27, 2020


Way back in 1983, Billy Joel released an album titled “An Innocent Man.”  The title track was a ballad in which the singer is committing to being a safe and healing person for a woman who has been badly wounded from past relationships.  Essentially, he recognizes that how she guards herself in the relationship is […]

College of Marriage Online

July 20, 2020


College of Marriage is now available online at College of Marriage is a 15 week marriage enrichment curriculum written and presented by my colleague, Carolyn Klusmeier and myself.  The lecture portion of the classes is now available on video.  You can also download the Powerpoints and the exercises.  The classes were 90 minutes, but […]

Complaint Department – Upstairs

June 9, 2020


I was listening to a sermon over the weekend about complaining to God.  Essentially, the pastor was comparing and contrasting David’s pouring out his complaint in Psalm 142 with the complaining of the Israelites during the exodus.  His point was that there is not a problem with complaining to God and, in fact, that can […]

Any Conversation Can Be Had Constructively

June 1, 2020


Do you have some hot button topics that are sure to result in a fight?  How about some things that really bother you but you don’t want to say anything because you fear it will just blow up?  You find yourself sucking it up because you don’t like confrontation? I don’t like conflict or confrontation […]

Really, What is it About That?

May 19, 2020


Your mate does some things that really bug you, huh?  When (s)he does that thing they do, it really makes you mad.  Can I invite you to reflect on what it is about that thing that upsets you so much?  If you answered, “It’s just rude?,”  let’s try to dig a little deeper.  The question […]

It Loses Something

March 30, 2020


Since we are all “sheltering in place,” I am only taking counseling appointments by phone or Skype at present.  Historically for me, such appointments have been the rare exception so this is new territory.  Thus far, my experience is that the Skype sessions are not substantially different from office sessions (as long as clients can […]

An Election Year Reading List

March 18, 2020


With everything going on with COVID-19, I was thinking to skip publishing a post this week.  The situation is evolving on a daily basis and who knows what tomorrow brings.  Talking about anything else feels like ignoring the elephant in the room when we are all largely confined to quarters.  At this writing, we are […]

Axes & Exes

March 4, 2020


“You keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up inside.” Don Henley “Resentment is like drinking rat poison yourself and waiting for the rat to die.”  John Ortberg “This one’s for the girls who think I’ve done wrong, could you really hold a grudge that long?”  Todd Rundgren A local radio station was having […]

Handling Conflict – Part 3 – Skills

November 13, 2019


Here’s the script from the third College of Marriage session on handling conflict. Welcome to the College of Marriage, session 6.  This is the third of our sessions that are specifically about handling conflict. Today we are going to work on skills for handling conflict.  Much of this comes from the research by John & […]