Browsing All Posts filed under »Shame«

The View From the Wasteland

September 21, 2020


One of the things that often brings couples into therapy is the discover/disclosure of an affair by one of the partners.  There are many ways we can examine the impact of affairs.  I had considered alternate titles to this blog such as “Advantage: AP” (noting that the affair partner always has the advantage over your […]

Whose Relationship Violations are Worse?

July 17, 2019


How do you rate the following violations of love and trust in a relationship?  Number the following from 1-12 with 1 being the most egregious betrayal. ____  One night of sex with a stranger. ____  An emotional affair with a coworker. ____  A secret bank account. ____  Not showing up when your partner has a […]


June 15, 2017


In a 1970 Monty Python sketch, a book publisher has published a Hungarian-English phrase book for Hungarian tourists visiting Britain.  The publisher has intentionally mistranslated the phrases to wreak havoc.  By way of example, the Hungarian phrase for “Can you direct me to the railway station?” was translated as “Please fondle my buttocks.”  After the […]


December 18, 2014


If you have read much of my writing or read my bio, you know that I am a certified sexual addiction therapist and a large portion of my practice involves treating sexual addiction. Many of my clients are men who have been stuck in compulsively viewing of pornography and masturbation.  Usually some resultant crisis in […]

Infidelity Redefined

January 24, 2014


This week I am in Washington for the final training module for CSAT (certified sexual addiction therapist) certification.  On the first day of this module, Rob Weiss presented on sexual addiction and technology, and how assessment and treatment is impacted by evolving technology and media.  This post is not about that, but about a comment […]

Overcoming Shame

May 10, 2013


This post is based upon a talk I am presenting this weekend to a group of leaders of Christian sexual addiction recovery support groups.  As such, my Christian view is particularly on display in this one.  My hope is that my readers who are of other faiths or no faith will still be able to […]

Men and Emotions (Part 2)

April 25, 2013


I labeled the last post “Part 1” as I had more to offer on the subject but not the time to complete everything I wanted to say on the topic.[1]  It is interesting to me which posts draw the most comments and likes and from whom the comments originate.  The last post was intended to […]

The Light and Dark Sides of the Force

November 10, 2012


Guilt is a very powerful force.  I don’t recommend utilizing it (with the possible exception being if your adult daughter starts eating the guacamole you just made yourself for lunch, hypothetically speaking), but I acknowledge its power.  When my daughters were growing up if the subject of someone making someone else feel guilty came up, […]

Shame and Repentance

August 31, 2012


Couples often seek therapy after there has been a betrayal in the relationship.  This often takes the form of sexual acting out by one of the partners through affairs or pornography.  The partner who acted out sexually nearly always expresses remorse about the betrayal.  Remorse (being sorry), by itself, is generally insufficient to bring about […]

The Prince and the Dragon

August 1, 2012


This post and a few to follow are going to speak to the issue of addiction.  For the clients that I work with in my practice, much more common than alcohol or drug addiction is sexual addiction in various forms.  An important part of the road to healing is working through the denial and shame. […]