Browsing All posts tagged under »affairs«

The View From the Wasteland

September 21, 2020


One of the things that often brings couples into therapy is the discover/disclosure of an affair by one of the partners.  There are many ways we can examine the impact of affairs.  I had considered alternate titles to this blog such as “Advantage: AP” (noting that the affair partner always has the advantage over your […]

Reasons People Cheat

November 1, 2019


This was an interesting article from Psychology Today on the reasons people cheat on a romantic partner.   The reasons are not entirely consistent with what I see in therapy, but perhaps there are differences in the population we are sampling.  For example, people who have “fallen out of love with their partner” may not […]


June 15, 2017


In a 1970 Monty Python sketch, a book publisher has published a Hungarian-English phrase book for Hungarian tourists visiting Britain.  The publisher has intentionally mistranslated the phrases to wreak havoc.  By way of example, the Hungarian phrase for “Can you direct me to the railway station?” was translated as “Please fondle my buttocks.”  After the […]

Ashley Madison Hack Help (Take 1)

August 25, 2015


So your information got hacked from your Ashley Madison account, huh?  And now your life is in crisis.  My grad school advisor’s native language was Chinese.  He shared with me that the Chinese character for crisis contains the characters for danger and opportunity.  The danger seems obvious, so let’s see where there might be some […]

Lesser Known Spiritual Gifts

July 12, 2015


The apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthian church about spiritual gifts. 1 Cor. 12: 4-11: There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.  Now to […]

Contaminating the Fantasy (Part 2 – The AP)

April 25, 2015


“You do realize, that if you actually dated her, saw her on a regular basis, lived with her, that she would find some fault with you, right? That she would find some things about you that drove her crazy.  That she’d make demands of you that you wouldn’t like.  That she’d get angry at you?”  […]

The Demon Dialogues Revisited: Mommy and Me

February 5, 2015


About three years ago, I did a series of posts on Recognizing the Demon Dialogues.  These ideas were not original to me, but were coming from the work of Sue Johnson who is the theorist who developed Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy.  Essentially, the demon dialogues are patterns of interaction that couples fall into that devastate […]

Powder Keg

December 4, 2014


With Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, and such, many married people have had the experience of being contacted by an old flame who “just wanted to see how you were doing.”  Or you may have been the one doing the contacting.  This usually results in FB messages, texts, and email exchanges.  Then your partner finds out about […]