Browsing All posts tagged under »attachment«

Fix You

October 2, 2020


An individual client was telling me about a failed attempt to connect with his wife when she was in distress.  He asked her what she needed from him when she was upset and she told him, “You can’t fix me.”  I thought it was an interesting comment and it gave me pause. Often couples come […]

Is He/She Worth It?

July 27, 2020


Way back in 1983, Billy Joel released an album titled “An Innocent Man.”  The title track was a ballad in which the singer is committing to being a safe and healing person for a woman who has been badly wounded from past relationships.  Essentially, he recognizes that how she guards herself in the relationship is […]

Reassuring the More Vulnerable Partner

July 13, 2020


We all go into close relationships with two basic questions: 1) Am I loveable? 2) Are you safe for me?  Humans, not being binary but somewhere on a continuum between extremes, are somewhere between a “yes” and a “no” on these questions.  If we took an internal family systems approach, we might say that there […]

Danger and Opportunity

April 13, 2020


Twenty four years ago, I did a brief stint working for a bank[1] in Northern California.  It was the only time I have ever lived outside of Southern California.  It was also the most oppressive corporate culture I have ever experienced.  I reported directly to the president of the bank who would tell you himself […]

Carol’s Heart

December 22, 2019


First, for any close friends who are just now learning that the title of this post is literal and not metaphorical, I hope you will understand that we have been otherwise occupied.  Consequently, if you are not in the family or on the prayer chain, this may be news to you.  Please don’t take any […]

Handling Conflict (Part 2 – Co-regulation)

November 8, 2019


This is the script from the second of three College of Marriage session on Handling Conflict.  The videos of the lecture portion on still being edited.  I will post the links once they are available. Welcome to The College of Marriage, Session 5.  This is the second of three sessions on handling conflict.  Today we […]

Same Data, Alternate Conclusions

October 9, 2019


Last week I cited a study out of Cornell University[1] that asserted that the decline in the marriage rate is due to a lack of “economically attractive” men.  The study looked at the socioeconomic demographics of those men who married and compared them to the population of single men.  The demographics of the married men […]

Free Solo

September 19, 2019


This is a tricky post to write and I will have to walk a bit of an ethical tightrope.  On the plane flight over the Atlantic last month, I watched Free Solo.  As it turns out, it wasn’t about Jabba the Hut imprisoning Han Solo in carbonite (and efforts to free him), but was a […]

A Tale of Two Bankers

December 5, 2016


Our family has a few Christmas movies that are mainstays of the holiday season for us.  Amongst them are Scrooge (the musical version of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol) and It’s a Wonderful Life.  A few years ago in my other blog (if you actually read that one too) I did three posts on Ebenezer Scrooge, […]

Sooner Would Be Better

October 29, 2015


October has been a busy month for me.  I have not gotten to the point of needing to turn clients away, but there have been a few weeks that stretched me.  That’s okay as at any time a certain amount of my case load is close to finishing our work together so there is an […]