Browsing All posts tagged under »forgiveness«

College of Marriage Online

July 20, 2020


College of Marriage is now available online at College of Marriage is a 15 week marriage enrichment curriculum written and presented by my colleague, Carolyn Klusmeier and myself.  The lecture portion of the classes is now available on video.  You can also download the Powerpoints and the exercises.  The classes were 90 minutes, but […]

Axes & Exes

March 4, 2020


“You keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up inside.” Don Henley “Resentment is like drinking rat poison yourself and waiting for the rat to die.”  John Ortberg “This one’s for the girls who think I’ve done wrong, could you really hold a grudge that long?”  Todd Rundgren A local radio station was having […]

Forgiveness, The Best Boundary

June 24, 2019


You keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up inside.  Don Henley, The Heart of the Matter Over the last 20 years, the term, boundaries, has worked its way into the vernacular.  The credit is in no small part to Cloud and Townsend’s series of books. At the most basic level, the concept is […]

Imperfect Lovers (revisited)

May 27, 2019


Thirty years ago, I was at the wedding of some friends.  For most of the weddings I have attended, I would not be able to recall what the pastor said.  This one I remember.  He talked about how people are imperfect lovers and that the bride and groom would love each other imperfectly.  It made […]

I’m Still Here

July 17, 2016


Often in therapy, one partner will question whether the other still loves him or her.  The frequent response is, “You should know that I still love you because I’m still here.” As a therapist, I read a lot into the fact that you are both sitting here.  Charming as I am, I assume that most […]

Unfinished Business

May 17, 2016


I grew up watching The Twilight Zone.  Though most of the five seasons of the show were made during my lifetime, I mostly caught it in syndication.  In as much as the local independent stations aired multiple episodes daily, I probably managed to see them all multiple times. The second episode ever aired was titled […]

Into the New Year – Breaking Your Chains

January 4, 2013


I will not be shackled to what once was. Drew Davis The above quote is from a sermon I heard this past weekend.  The pastor’s point was that we all have past hurts in our lives, that we should not allow momentary hurts to become life hindering issues, and that these past hurts have no […]

Three Things (Part 1)

December 9, 2012


I previously served as a counselor at San Diego Hospice.  Working with people at the end of their lives and working with grieving partners and families has a way of putting life in perspective.  I found a few consistent themes that came up and I came up with three ideas that can be difficult to […]

Revisiting a Rocky Moment

April 30, 2012


One of the tricky points in de-escalating the negative cycles that take over a marriage relationship and cause disconnection is learning how to change the dance.  In “Recognizing the Demon Dialogues” (Johnson, 2008), we looked at the most common negative patterns that cause distress and disconnection in marriage.  Distressed couples are stuck; beset by negative […]