Browsing All posts tagged under »Relationships«

The Kindness Challenge, A Lenten Devotional

January 11, 2021


If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Romans 12:18 It may seem a little early to be talking about Lent.  After all, we just celebrated Christmas and Epiphany.  Many Protestants still view Lent as a strictly Catholic observance, but I think, whatever your denomination (or lack […]

Default Settings

December 14, 2020


I was recently reading a Bosch novel.  If you are unfamiliar with them, the novels are a series by Michael Connelly featuring the exploits of LAPD detective Hieronymus “Harry” Bosch.  Bosch is the archetypal loner outsider who is always bucking the system, and (spoiler alert) always solves the case and saves his career (more or […]

Mellowing With Age

November 30, 2020


I have noticed that the older I get, the less there is to get mad about.  I’m not talking about the state of the country or the world, but the state of my relationships.  Things that might have gotten me bent out of shape 20, 30, or 40 years ago just don’t do it anymore.  […]

Decision Making Revisited

November 23, 2020


Of course, you don’t agree on everything.  If you did, one of you would be largely unnecessary.  The old cliché that two heads are better than one is certainly true.  At the same time, it is also an irritant.  The research has found (and I am not making it up), that 69% of the things […]

Emotional Restitution

November 16, 2020


Betrayals of trust and attachment injuries[1] in relationships come in many shapes and sizes.  Affairs are a common example of both, but there can be many other ways in which one partner feels that the trust has been breeched or that you were not there for me when I needed you.  Often when couples come […]

At Our Least Lovely

October 19, 2020


“I’m not easy to live with, I know that it’s true.  You’re no picnic either, babe, that’s one of the things I loved about you.”  Don Henley (Not Enough Love in the World) “When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care, when I’m throwing punches in the air, when I’m broken down and I […]

The Biggest Risk is the One That Someone Else is Taking

October 14, 2020


There is an old joke in Christian circles which went something to the effect of, “What’s the worst sin?”  The answer is, “The one that someone else is doing?” As a former banker, I often think about things in terms of risk management.  You can’t run a bank and not take risk.  The point is […]

Agape Love

August 15, 2020


“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”  G. K. Chesterton   I remember when “Can’t Buy Me Love” by the Beatles was a hit.  I was just a kid at the time.  Though I liked the song, I didn’t know what a “cambami love” […]

Critical Mass

August 6, 2020


One of the tricky points of conflict to handle is when one partner is distressed about the other’s weight (that is, when one is critical of the other’s mass).  It is even a thorny issue to write about.  I will try to do it justice in 1000 words or less. First, you can’t control your […]

Reassuring the More Vulnerable Partner

July 13, 2020


We all go into close relationships with two basic questions: 1) Am I loveable? 2) Are you safe for me?  Humans, not being binary but somewhere on a continuum between extremes, are somewhere between a “yes” and a “no” on these questions.  If we took an internal family systems approach, we might say that there […]