Browsing All posts tagged under »Relationships«

At Our Least Lovely

October 19, 2020

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“I’m not easy to live with, I know that it’s true.  You’re no picnic either, babe, that’s one of the things I loved about you.”  Don Henley (Not Enough Love in the World) “When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care, when I’m throwing punches in the air, when I’m broken down and I […]

The Biggest Risk is the One That Someone Else is Taking

October 14, 2020

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There is an old joke in Christian circles which went something to the effect of, “What’s the worst sin?”  The answer is, “The one that someone else is doing?” As a former banker, I often think about things in terms of risk management.  You can’t run a bank and not take risk.  The point is […]

Agape Love

August 15, 2020

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“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”  G. K. Chesterton   I remember when “Can’t Buy Me Love” by the Beatles was a hit.  I was just a kid at the time.  Though I liked the song, I didn’t know what a “cambami love” […]

Critical Mass

August 6, 2020

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One of the tricky points of conflict to handle is when one partner is distressed about the other’s weight (that is, when one is critical of the other’s mass).  It is even a thorny issue to write about.  I will try to do it justice in 1000 words or less. First, you can’t control your […]

Reassuring the More Vulnerable Partner

July 13, 2020

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We all go into close relationships with two basic questions: 1) Am I loveable? 2) Are you safe for me?  Humans, not being binary but somewhere on a continuum between extremes, are somewhere between a “yes” and a “no” on these questions.  If we took an internal family systems approach, we might say that there […]

A Farmer Looks at 60

July 5, 2020

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Humorous references are a lot less amusing if you have to explain them.  I originally conceived this post around the time of my 59th.  I thought the reference to “A Pirate Looks at 40” by Jimmy Buffett was pretty obvious.  I figured every boomer on the planet knew that song.  I asked a couple of […]

A Mission of Discovery

June 29, 2020

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This post came from working with some couples who are recovering from some significant violations in the relationship.  There are occasionally couples who are able to get to a place of forgiveness and functionality, but don’t have the same romantic feelings for their partner that they did before.  This can also happen even if there […]

Spiritual Continua

June 22, 2020

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How are you doing spiritually?  I don’t mean have you read your Bible and prayed today.  Those are important spiritual disciplines, but they aren’t ends in themselves.   This isn’t a question about how you are doing at pursuing holiness, though that is also a great spiritual pursuit.  What I want to know is, “How are […]

Permission

June 16, 2020

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You’re an adult.  You can do what you want.  You don’t need permission. Many partners bristle when they feel that they have to get permission from their mate to do things they want to do.  I wish we had a better word than permission.  It seems to imply a parent-child sort of relationship.  I don’t […]

Complaint Department – Upstairs

June 9, 2020

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I was listening to a sermon over the weekend about complaining to God.  Essentially, the pastor was comparing and contrasting David’s pouring out his complaint in Psalm 142 with the complaining of the Israelites during the exodus.  His point was that there is not a problem with complaining to God and, in fact, that can […]