Reasons People Cheat

Posted on November 1, 2019


This was an interesting article from Psychology Today on the reasons people cheat on a romantic partner.   The reasons are not entirely consistent with what I see in therapy, but perhaps there are differences in the population we are sampling.  For example, people who have “fallen out of love with their partner” may not be the ones who come into therapy to try to restore.  Further, then can be some disconnect between the reason we tell ourselves to make sense of our own behavior and the underlying reasons we find if we dig a little deeper.

In any case, the affair partner always has the advantage over your mate as 1) you don’t have to live with the affair partner; 2) you usually interact in an environment where you are at your most competent and comfortable; 3) you don’t have to cope with past hurts within the relationship, and 4) you don’t have to argue about money, housework, children, sex, and work-life balance.  The problem with all of those things is that your interaction with the affair partner is not real life.

Enjoy the article.  I’ll get back to some more College of Marriage stuff next week.